Confidence?

i often think....

lately i have been thinking about confidence.
its a step away form my usual subjects (god,death, sprirt, religion, life, destiny)
But its a part of life, a part that is kinda intresting i think.

It begs the question what is confidence? to me it has alwasys seemed like a concreat thing, you have it or you dont. You are a confiden person or you are not. But recenly i have re-evaluated these notions.

I was talking to a friend the other day.... i belittled myself as i often do, and she said "no you are good" That stuck with me, becasue i know i am good. If i know im good why do i belittle myself in her presents? From that began to think i am an unconfident person, but then i think about other instances where im a down right arrogant bastard (like at work). From that I re-evaluated my concept of confidence. No longer think of concept like a light on or off, i think of it as a size. A big person feels bag around most people but when he meets a giant he will no longer be big, and he has no right to feel big in the giants presents. Confidence is a comparison like size. I beleittle myself around my friend becasue i respect her talent, in comparison i am modestly less impressive. I am a big man but she is a giant. But to some people i am a giant, some class's im a giant, some assignments im a giant, but others im a shrimp.

To be big you have to work at it. Confidence grows with sucess with knowlege with time. Im still growing as a designer and as a person. When i started wroking at lowes i was a little guy. I knew nothing, i had no expereince, i was quiet, i was unconfident. After 3 years now im a giant. the people who trained me in the start noticed the change, they noticed what confidence does to a person. I always worked hard, my bosses alwasy gave me compliments, raises, promotions. now i have confidence at work, more than most.

Shoot for the stars!
another reason i belittle myself is becasue im never satisfied. I think its a good quality. How will i get better if im satisfyed with everthing i do. I must alwasy work for improvemnt. i will never know everything because of that i will alwasy learn. Belittleing myself isnt a sign of un-confidence or depression its a way to push myself. Im pleased with my life, but i always know i have to work to make it better. I woulndn't be in school if i was satisfied with my life. I woulnnt get out of bed if i was satifyed with my life. Living is searching for satifaction in life. maybe?